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*** So you want to be an author
By Jack W. Boone As usual. I was sitting at my computer, staring at the screen, wondering if what I had learned over the past few days was as bad as it looked. My old friend, Julius Trotter, stopped in for a visit right when I needed a visitor like I needed a hole in the head. I was deep in thought. What I had read earlier disturbed me greatly and I had been researching it all morning, trying to disprove the details. I wasn’t having much luck. I wondered why the government had not told the public about it? People need to know why it is so important to stop small nuclear developers. I had always thought that, if some small country made a nuclear bomb, so what. They would have one — and we have thousands. Then it hit me and I believed I knew why the government was keeping it quiet. One large missile is all it would take to launch an E-bomb. A terrorists attack with an E-bomb is a real possibility. In fact, I think it is going to happen, and to tell the people, not knowing where or when, would scare the fool out of them. It would probably cause a national panic. Apparently there is not a good defense in place against this weapon. The government is really between a rock and a hard place on this one. They have no choice. They have to play up the lessor threats and keep this one really covert. On this visit, Julius placed his substantial bulk in an adjoining chair and asked the inevitable question, "What are you writing about today?" I hate that question because the material I had just written was fresh and unedited, even by me, besides, it was mine and I wasn’t ready to share it with him or anybody else. But, courtesy dictated that I give him some kind of answer. I quickly thought that now was my chance to scare the hell out of him, so I replied as nonchalantly as I could, "I am writing about an E-bomb attack that will destroy this nation." He looked at me like I was losing it, and asked, "I’ve heard of an A-bomb and an H-bomb, but this is a new one. What the hell is an E-bomb?" I smiled and shrugged, "Just the deadliest weapon on earth that does not directly kill people, that’s all. It causes them to kill themselves. It Is probably the next terrorist’s weapon we will see in this country." He scoffed, "Are you crazy? Are you telling me that you know about a terrorist weapon and you haven’t told anyone? Have you told the government?" I grinned and shrugged, "They know." Now he was showing genuine concern. "They know?" I nodded, "They know all about it." "Aw come on. If they knew something like that it would be all over the news." I pursed my lips like Eisenhower used to do and shrugged again, "No it wouldn’t." Now he stood up. "Are you telling me that they know that the next attack is going to be this E-bomb and they are not telling us?" "Precisely, --- they know and they are not telling us." He smirked, "You’re kidding me — right?" "I have never been more serious in my life." I replied. There was a long moment of silence when nothing was said by either of us. He sat again. He asked, a little belligerently, "How the hell do you know?" I shrugged and answered in a level voice, "I know because it is the easiest attack to do, and even a couple of boobs like us can make one. Of course, it would be small if we made it, and probably affect only ours and a few other houses around the neighborhood, but we can sure as hell do it. So, if we can do it, what’s to keep a terrorist from doing it on a large enough scale to shut down New York, or Boston, or maybe Chicago. In fact, if it is done right, they could possibly shut down the entire Eastern Seaboard, including Washington. The terrorists are as well educated as us, ----some probably better." He apparently had missed the enormity of the situation I had just mentioned. He was still thinking about how it could be built in the basement. He looked as if he didn’t believe a word, "Where would we get the blueprints to build such a bomb?" "On the Internet. That’s where I got it." He grinned disbelievingly and scoffed, "You mean to tell me that somebody on the Internet is telling people how to make an E-bomb?" "No, it tells you the principal of the bomb and a few basic facts. It doesn’t give you the detailed blueprints and the exact formula, but it does show cut-away drawings of the real thing. Any scientist or engineer with some electrical knowledge can figure it out in nothing flat. Most of them already know the concept and what it will do. They’re just keeping quiet like the government." He snorted, "And you’re going to blow the lid off, right?" "That’s right." Now he seemed to be pleading a little and his voice was higher as he asked, "Why, --- for God’s sake?" "Because I think people like you should have a chance to protect yourself and your family." He snickered, "Have you protected your family yet?" "I plan to." "When?" "As soon as I finish this piece." Now his curiosity was really aroused. "How are you gonna do it?" "I’ll tell you when I start. The first thing I plan to do is buy a small Diesel generator, something that doesn’t require any electricity to operate. Maybe something like that would survive the EMP, particularly if it was not connected to an electrical outlet when the pulse hits." "EMP?" He looked puzzled. "That’s what it’s called. EMP means electromagnatic pulse." "Oh — ." he said, "I see." There was a pause at that point where nothing was said. I knew he could tell that I was thinking. Finally he asked, sort of timid like, "What is this EMP really about?" I said, "That’s what an E-bomb is. It is an electromagnetic pulse created by a massive explosion high above the earth. The intensity of it is greater than a thousand bolts of lightening hitting the atmosphere at one time. A jolt that strong will destroy everything that requires electricity to operate and immediately renders it useless." He shrugged, "So, when you got an electrical problem, you call an electrician. That’s what they do for a living, isn’t it?" Now it was my turn to snicker, "It is if they have any electricity to work with. If all of the power plants and stations are ruined beyond repair because they are literally melted, what can he do? What if all of the transformers have exploded, and the electric panel in your house is ruined by the pulse, including all of your appliances? All vehicles have an electrical systems and they will be ruined and sitting dead all over the streets. What good is your electrician going to do? You can’t call him. There would be no telephones. He has no way to get to you. His truck wouldn’t operate. If he could get to your house, there would by absolutely nothing he could do, probably because your electric panel had set your house on fire, and the firemen can’t respond, even if they saw the smoke. Their equipment will be dead." Now he looked concerned, "Is that really what it does?" "That’s only part of what it does. The enormity of the pulse destroys everything dependent on electricity. Let me give you a couple of simple examples on how it would affect us personally. When you get up on the morning of an EMP, you will not have hot water nor heat in your house because the gas company pumps their product to your house with electric motors. You will have to shave with a safety razor and cold water because your electric razor is history. All electric motors would be ruined. You wouldn’t be able to cook on your electric range because it is useless without power. You see, the EMP will overpower all circuit breakers and protection devices. The only things that will survive are those things that have been hardened. Hardened means that special precautions have been made to protect a device. For example, I am sure that the data bases and computers in the defense loop and other critical operations have been hardened. Your refrigerator and freezer are not hardened, so they will begin melting, and there isn’t a lot you can do about it. If you could get your hands on some ice, that might delay the inevitable. But, how would you go to pick it up? Your car won’t run. The only transportable that will operate will be either horse-drawn or a yoke of oxen and there aren’t too many of those around the city anymore." He looked a little stunned as I continued, "I wouldn’t plan on going to work either. Your job depends on electricity for its computers and communications. It will be gone, and probably your company’s data base. There will be no way to tell who owes whom, unless there was a backup data base some place that was not on line when the pulse hit. That is unlikely, because data base backups are usually on another computer at other locations. The EMP will probably get it too. "There is one consolation, your credit card debt will be somewhere in outer space when it happens, but your credit card will be useless anyway. They operate with electricity, remember. So does your bank. You had better have proof-positive that you have money in there, because the bank records will go up in smoke. You won’t be able to get money out of the bank. Electronic doors to vaults won’t open without electricity, remember? But, even if you could, after two days, there will be nothing to buy, especially food and water. All of that will be grabbed up in the first 24 hours and there will no resupply on the way." My friend was in a mild state of shock by this time, torn between not believing me and seeing his little empire go up in smoke. He was struggling with himself and wanted more answers. I could tell. I suggested that he go to the web and type in E-bomb. It’s all there and maybe he would find someone he could believe. He gave me a side-long glance and a sort of sick looking nod and shrank back in the chair. After allowing him a few seconds to catch his breath, I dropped the real hammer on him. "Julius, what I have just told you is the God’s-honest truth. I don’t know the full consequences of such an attack. I don’t believe anybody does. At my advanced age, (83), I remember well the one-horse family farms back in the nineteen-thirties when the farmer didn’t have electricity or refrigeration and very few had mechanization of any kind, not even a car, yet they survived very well. The difference is that they had a crop in the corn crib, meat in the smoke-house and potatoes in the bin, syrup in the cans and dried beans and peas, as well as dried fruits and vegetables, chickens in the yard, edible animals in the forest and above all, seed for next year. They knew how to do it. There are very few survivors of those farms still alive in this country, maybe in the outback of Australia there are some, but not here. That means that, if a major E-bomb attack should occur the people under it would be in dire straights and in a matter of weeks, if not days, be at each others throats for food and water. The American people don’t know how to survive by their wits like our forefathers did. Even though I saw it and lived it for a while during the last great depression, I don’t believe I could do it myself today. We Americans are used to having someone hand us a paycheck, and that solves all problems. We know that there are many people willing and able to sell us whatever we want to buy, whether we pay for it now or later. We wouldn’t have the necessary tools to work a farm like those in the thirties. They had plows, tools to clear fields, horses or mules and crops in the ground for food. We have none of those things. "We would starve to death before we could get a crop planted, even if we had the land and seeds. I don’t believe we would be hassled by a zoning board. You see, the government would probably be dissolved because they would have no role after an attack. "Then there are the raiders that we would have to contend with. Those are the people who will make no effort to help themselves as long as you have something they can take by force. There will be hundreds, if not thousands, of them out there roaming the streets and every house that does not show signs of life will be looted. It is seriously doubtful that looters will want more than food and weapons. There will not be a market for anything else. People found at home in a looting raid would probably be killed if they put up resistance. "Mini-wars will break out between looters and home owners and the divisiveness between people will dissolve all friendships as former friends become new enemies. Even family members will turn on each other if one suspects the other of hoarding food. You don’t know what the crying of hungry children will do to a man. People that seem docile will suddenly become deadly. That is what the bomb will do. "Julius, does this sound weird or bazaar to you? It did to me until I started digging up the facts, then it scared hell out of me. This is real, Buddy. Think of North Korea having nuclear weapons and the capacity to launch an ICBM over our West coast with an E-bomb attached. A missile warhead would easily provide the explosion necessary to create the Electromagnetic Pulse if it were exploded four-hundred miles above California. That would bring most of the Western United States to a complete stand-still, and instantly make millions of savages out of the population as every man is forced to fend for himself and his starving family. Think about that, because it can REALLY happen. Now do you understand why our government cannot allow these rogue nations to have nuclear weapons. If these characters have only two or three nuclear weapons, they could do it. It takes only ONE ICBM carrying ONE E-bomb to do the dirty work." Rather sarcastically, I’m afraid I continued, "Julius, I’m sure that our government is right on top of this problem, --- just like they were when they dissolved our ground CIA units and nearly destroyed our intelligence network all over the world,--- like the advanced knowledge of the attack on the World Trade Center, --- or the mistake of going into Iraq with NO knowledge of the true facts about weapons of mass destruction. Never assume for a moment that Hussain wasn’t working on what I call a little nation’s equalizer. That alone would justify an invasion. That’s what an E bomb could do. It would make a small nation, with this weapon, as powerful as all of our nuclear arsenal. For example, one huge E-bomb could put a nation the size of Israel out of business for a long time. "Unfortunately, our military misjudged the Iraqi people. It was a huge mistake to think that they would roll over and play dead after an invasion. Remember, I warned people with editorials, but they ignored them. These are but a few of the blunders that have become the bureaucratic norm in our beloved country. We keep telling ourselves that we will survive. Unfortunately, if we are dropped back two-hundred years in time, it is going to be interesting to see just who does survive. "Go home, Julius. I have given you enough to think about for one day. You and Daisy Bell sit down at your dining room table and plan what you would do in such a catastrophe. Anne and I know what we would do. We bought our future home in a nice cemetery mausoleum when we realized that we were under this gun. All we have to figure out is who has a mule and wagon that our son can borrow to get us there." Julius left, walking rather fast, I thought. I suppose he will be back one of these days, but I’ll bet he will think twice before he asks what I am writing about next time. In fact, he might not be back at all.
FROM THE INSIDE OUT by Jack W Boone This may be the most unusual tale you have ever read from a writer, but I write for the love of it and have no interest in the commercialization of my work. I retired from a great business that gives me the luxury to spend the rest of my life doing as I please and I’m doing just that. Some people make ceramic pots in retirement. Others play golf, travel, do wood work or pursue other hobbies to keep themselves occupied. For my retirement I chose writing. My life is full and wonderful, except for the infirmities that come with old age. There was never any question in my mind about what I would do when I entered the second phase of my life. I wanted to write stories and books. The only question was whether I would ever retire at all from a business that I truly loved. Believe it or not, I have the government to thank for my retirement. They filed a frivolous lawsuit against my company and some twenty others a few years back on ridicules grounds. That lawsuit helped me make up my mind to get out of the business. I was also mad. I wanted to do something about a vicious and unwarranted attack on our industry. Reviewing the government’s tactics during the suit made me want to do something about that also, so I decided to write a book outlining changes that would hopefully clean up that mess in Washington. Knowing full well that the ordinary citizen no longer had a voice in our government, I wrote it anyway and titled it "The Nation’s Party Concept." I didn’t try to sell it, but I got it off my chest and that is all that mattered to me at the time. The book received good reviews from many concerned readers. A few people bought extra copies to send to their legislators. I tried to tell them that it was a waste of good postage. Many more copies went to friends. I knew that nothing could be done about a government so out of control that it was feeding off its own dying carcass. Having a bad attitude is not the way to write anything. Rage is all consuming, and not interesting. To date, I have seventeen published books, eight novels, one book of short stories and eight smaller books, some novelettes and some nonfiction to my credit. They are all diverse, interesting and good stories. I have other novels that I am working on daily. They run the gauntlet from the Civil War era, to contemporary and cover many subjects from murder to terrorism and just plain, good, interesting detective work. Although some book stores sell my books on special order, I prefer that they be sold from my web page, I give the proceeds to charity. The pleasure comes in the creation of the product. Critics have commented favorably on my books and issued some very constructive advice. I have incorporated much of the advice for a next printing (if there is one). I think the supreme compliment came from a reader at a book signing. She was buying her third book when she exclaimed, "It is so exciting to meet you in person. Why, you write like a real author." I am a far cry from most authors. Some of the more famous were suicidal or addicted to something unpleasant. I knew one such famous writer briefly. He was certainly not my role model. At one time it was thought that pain and suffering made a good writer. If that is true, and I don’t believe it is, then my chance for immorality as a writer may be ruined, because I don’t qualify. Here is another goal of my retirement. The creative process opens many mental doors. Usually more than one writer can possibly record in a lifetime. I talk to people a lot and am constantly amazed at their life stories. I am also amazed at the number who realize that their story may be interesting but will not take the time to document it. I explain to them that, if they don’t write it down now, a hundred years from now nobody will know about it. Acknowledged, their manuscripts will not be as polished as a professional writer would make it, but the outline and gist of the stories will be there and that is what is important. Every parent and grandparent should write their life experiences for the benefit of future generations who will never have the luxury of knowing them personally. Stories told about them by others could be distorted with time and retelling. If they don’t write it down now, the true version will go to their graves with them. Surprisingly, most are worried that they will look foolish because they have a problem with spelling, syntax, grammar or some other obscure reason. Actually, they are afraid that what seemed like a full and interesting life to them would be dull and uninteresting to others. I explain that their reasoning is flawed because, if they put in the details that made their life full and interesting to them, it will be interesting to their children. I have convinced a few, but not very many. Actually, I have never written my own complete story. I conducted my business in a rather cookie-cutter manner, so the excitement didn’t warrant a book at the time. There are many wonderful moments of pleasure that my wife and I derived from our business years. We don’t need to record those. I do have a private chronicle about me and my family that may prove to be interesting to some future grandchild. It is not worthy of general publication. Life, to me, is like a huge circle, divided into segments. Each segment represents a part of our total being, be it good, bad or indifferent. Successful people have a special energy segment that made them successful. Conversely, so does a prisoner. There is good and bad in everybody. People seem to concentrate on the segment that is the most comfortable at the time. Segment orientation can, and does, change. Mine was business, and now it is writing. Writers are a strange breed. Of the hundreds of thousands, or possibly millions, who do it, those who make it really big can be counted on your fingers and toes. It is a business, and to be successful, it must conform to the basic principles as practiced in the world of business, ---- not literary. Advertising, sales and public relations are everything. Quality can be manufactured with the proper support personnel (editorial) and a good budget. Publishers depend on a quality cover and about ten pages of good writing with a good "hook" to make you buy the book. Follow that up with the right publicity, and you have the formula of a best-seller. Literary merit takes a back seat to sales appeal. It is the name of the author that sells a book. Surly you have noticed promotional advertising like this: Presenting, "Blowing up the World, a new novel by Shirley Shortpants, award winner and best-selling author." Shirley’s name will occupy about two-thirds of the front cover. Now, --- look back at books written years ago and you will see that the book is promoted as literature, not the fame of the author. That is the difference between then and now. Any well known name can write a book today (a ghost writer does the actual writing) and sell a few copies, usually enough for the publisher to get his money back, and hopefully make a profit. I believe a slick PR firm can promote the most ordinary person to near deity status with the use of modern day communications. They grease the skids with appearances on numerous high profile TV shows so that an otherwise unknown person could write a book filled with the word fish in forty languages and it would be on the best-seller list. Book sellers know that and will order these books in advance of publication, many times with no idea of the story line, as long as it comes from the number one author of the moment. Needless to say, the commercialization of literature the way it is being done is not leaving a legacy that we can be proud of a hundred years from now. The question is; will the literature of their day be as good? Writing is a solitary business and should not be done in concert with some other demanding job or profession. Even in the business world, to have the demands of personal responsibility tugging at your coattails is disconcerting and down right irritating at times. I like to read the work of the author who writes from conviction and not to please a commercial audience. The problem is that his work will not sell because he cannot generate the volume to make it profitable to publish. A newspaper publisher might have the best paper in the world, but if he has only a hundred readers, his impact is minimal and his losses’ huge. The same rule applies to writers. You write for the mass market or don’t quit your day job. Personal economics will usually take care of that. There are not many garrets left in the United States these days that a writer can afford. So, I write for posterity, and not from a garret, but a comfortable studio in an atmosphere of prosperity. I hope that a hundred years from now, some professor will pick up one of my books and have his class try to determine my personality, intellect, talent (or lack thereof), ability, mental agility and other factors to decide if I was a genius or a charlatan, or somewhere in between. That would be the fulfillment of my fondest dream. Once people know that you have been published, it seems to make you an expert in their eyes. If you are prone to get a big head from flattery, you will get it then. I wrote a story about writers as a hand-out to a group of aspiring writers at a conference. It was later published. I am going to attach it to this piece. Please excuse the redundancies.
by Jack W. Boone If being an author is your ambition, it would do you well to know something about your predecessors. Here are a few facts that might help. Ernest Hemingway committed suicide. Edgar Allen Poe lived in abject poverty all of his life. F. Scott Fitzgerald was an incurable alcoholic. Mark Twain went bankrupt and had to make speeches to live. Bret Harte went broke and took a job with the government. Truman Capote died a drug-addicted alcoholic. William Faulkner was a recluse during the latter part of his life. Stephen Crane died of TB before his twenty-ninth birthday. O Henry (William S. Porter) was a convicted thief and fled the country. Jack London made a million dollars, lost it, then committed suicide. There were many other famous authors who suffered the privations of the fame generated by their work. I was told at an early age that, once achieved, the elusive and heady success of winning is a hollow victory in the end. Some compare it to working most of your life to make a fortune then suddenly realizing that there is no pleasure left in the process. At that point, the illusion takes on a certain manifestation of guilt that maybe you didn’t do enough for your fellow man on your way up, so you create a mental block, hoping to find happiness and humility like you had before making it. It never happens. You live with what you create. If you choose not to record your trip, it will go away when you do, and some poor sap will do it all over again. That formula has been repeated millions of times. Records survive. That, if for no other reason, is why you should write it down. So, it is true that the fun quickly goes out of the game once you have won. It is the struggle that’s important. The fight becomes tiring and, in fact, boring in many respects. I know from whence I speak. I reached that same conclusion at the end of my forty-year business career. I had won—now what? . What was the use of continuing to win? All I could gain was more resource, and I didn’t need that. But, even while I was struggling in the early years, I loved my business. I didn’t have time to worry about success or anything else and failure never crossed my mind. After I achieved some degree of notoriety, success and financial security, the entire situation became burdensome and I wanted to get away from it. Like a business, a writing career is a struggle, but the illusion will not go away. The moment you start your first manuscript you are a success. You have created something unique. Whether it sells or not isn’t the question at that point. The question usually is why didn’t I do this long before now. If you love your writing/business, don’t hesitate. Go for the gold, but to get it, you must love it. My writing career was done in reverse. I made my security first, then started writing. Most writers don’t have that luxury and I wouldn’t recommend it. It is difficult to generate the necessary passion if all of the bumps have been smoothed out before your trip. Experience, the world’s greatest teacher, seems to abandon you once your work ethic drops. It is easy to throw an object away if you know that it is not going to affect you one way or the other, but difficult if that is the only one you have. A writing career is a lot like that. Cherish the one you have, because there is not another on the shelf. Every moment is precious. I write novels, novelettes, short stories, editorials, features and opinions on many subjects and post them on my web page. I have thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it and look forward to writing until I finish this tour on earth. I don’t want fame, or money, or to satisfy critics. All I want to do is write and I am doing it every day. If nobody ever reads a word of my prose, it’s not important. They are the ones who missed out. I like it, and that is all that counts. Telling people that I write for posterity, not prosperity, might make them wonder if I have the drive and respect for my work to create to the best of my ability. I do. I cherish each piece as if the world is waiting for it and I am dragging my feet. I am as hooked as an addict must be on narcotics. I can hardly wait to get to my computer. I have far more outlines that I am afraid time will allow me to finish. I plan to leave all of my work to a university for their creative writing class to play with or throw away, as they see fit. I am sure they will spend some time trying to figure out what kind of person I was in life. The events that affected the authors listed above and my story must not deter you from pursuing a career in writing, for there is nothing as satisfying or captivating as doing what you want to do. By your very nature and desire to become a writer, you are obligated to add your name and work to the long list of those who have helped make the world a more literate and decent place in which to live. That is the mandate you assumed when you elected to join this brotherhood. Anybody who tells you that writing is a craft and not an art has missed the bus. In my opinion such a person knows very little about writing. Writing is an art as surely as painting or sculpture is art. It not only stirs the emotions, but creates a vivid picture of time and place in the mind of the reader. It transports a reader away from the present and makes him or her a part of the story as surely as any great painter could do with his brush. It is true that the eye creates certain images that, in turn, creates emotions, but so does the mind. Emotions are stirred between the covers of a well-written book because it carries your very soul to a particular locale where you are able to see in your mind’s eye what is happening as the story moves along. You actually become a part of the story as an observer. Granted, not everyone sees a painting the same way, but neither does everyone read a book the same way. What is repugnant to one will elicit ecstatic reactions from another. That is the human aspect of life and the curse of authors. They must write to satisfy the majority of readers or become a literary writer, and that is a starvation trip. Some writers gain their fame and fortune after they depart this world, just like great artists of the past. And like those artists, many of these writers did not write for compensation at the moment, although it is a necessary evil in some cases. They write to record a story, a scene, a situation and hopefully make it enjoyable reading for years to come. Their dream was to challenge the mind of a reader and send him on a journey that is not available anywhere else in the world. Having made my security and ensured that it is safe has had one adverse influence on me, I cannot generate the fire in my belly necessary to get out in the marketplace and sell my books, and that is required to be a successful commercial writer these days. Even some writers who have gained notoriety in their lifetimes find it necessary to interrupt their creative schedule to sell books. Unfortunately, because of these demands on their time and resources by publishers, the literary world suffers a loss. It is a fact that publicity keeps their books in the limelight, and limelight demands’ personal appearances and direct contact. That also might be the reason for the fable that the greatest work is done by writers and artists living in a cold-water flat with an empty refrigerator. I personally don’t believe that to be true. Writing when hungry and cold had to be a distraction that could not convey anything but poverty,doom and gloom. People don’t like to read about poverty because many have suffered it in one form or the other during their lifetime and it is distasteful. It is not pleasant in any form. I remember 1929. It was not a "cool" period by a long shot, but several great writers came out of that period. I knew one of them very well. He came out of the depression drunk and stayed that way for the rest of his life, but he was a great talent. I consider the publishing industry’s approach to selling books a bit bazaar. As a former businessman, if an individual came to me with a good product and offered to sell it to me at a decent price, I would buy it. Then, after I had spent the money, I would pull out all of the stops to sell it. If I made a mistake, I lost money. If I made a good decision, I made money. Business is about as simple as that, with a few sidebars that require a bit more expertise. In the publishing industry it seems to be the norm to go through the manufacturing process with no sales feasibility information. The process is a shot-in-the-dark. Their concept is to throw the naked product out into the marketplace with a little or no promotion, hoping that it will catch on. Any other industry that pulled such a stunt would be drummed out of the business world. The publishers don’t sell books. They place them in stores on consignment. They are at the mercy of the book store owner. If he wants to push something other than your book, it is shuffled to the back table. To me that is not selling, but taking orders. The store owner’s only incentive is profit, and not recovery of his investment. He has none. As a consigned product, the merchandise can be returned to the publisher for full credit at any time, and the numbers reshuffled. I would think that, if the store owner has some responsibility to regain his investment, he would be more inclined to "sell" books, rather than display them, hoping that the passing parade will buy a few. Having seen the evolution of our country from the depths of a depression with its attendant poverty, to the pinnacle of comfort for the masses, I can only hope my work will add to the literary base created by past word merchants of that interesting time. I hope some distant reader will think that he is reading this writer’s Mona Lisa in words. It has been said that Leonardo de Vinci was so enamored by his Mona Lisa after finishing it that he refused to deliver it to the purchaser. A writer should feel the same about his or her work. It is not practical today to withhold work for those personal emotional reasons, but the feeling should be there just the same. It would be the greatest of all acclamations for any writer or artist for his or her work to become a beloved work of the future. Writing is dated, unfortunately. That is the basic difference in great art and great writing. For obvious reasons, Sir Walter Scott could not write that one of his characters picked up the phone. They couldn’t have jumped on a plane for the same reason. That should not deter writers from doing work, in fact, it should enhance it because of the stories ability to take the reader back in time to a golden age. For that reason, I have tried to keep my stories as basic as practical to give them as much a longevity as possible. Newspapers print contemporary stories, not writers of fiction, (although sometimes I have my doubts about that.) I try to tell the emotional side of a story and not the physical side, however, some of the physical aspects must creep in to keep the story credible. Michelangelo never extolled the brand of chisel he used, or where he bought the stone for his great works. Neither did other great artists. It was the work that stood alone before the critical public to see in their own mind’s eye as representative of what the writer wanted them to see, read or hear. A typical example of the short life of shallow artistic work would be the old television shows made many years ago. They are dated and nobody is interested in seeing them again. The memories they stir are too recent, and too many people were not living as well then as they are now, so why stir up unpleasant memories? Many movies are in the same category, and will probably never be seen again. Great literature escapes that fate. Jane Austen’s work is still read today as eagerly as it was in the early nineteenth century when she wrote it. A writer can only hope that his or her own work will reach some degree of the same repute. That would be the greatest of all fortunes. The fact that I consider great writing to be art is not because I think mine is in that category, but because it has as much staying power as any other art. I know one of my books will be read a hundred years from now because it’s in a time capsule to be opened in the year twenty-one hundred. ( That is doing it the hard way.) I view poetry as art because it usually has a lot more staying power than fiction. Great poetry will definitely enhance the emotional state of an intelligent reader. It, in the short run, is probably better than fiction in that way because it creates a state of mind that is immediate whereas fiction usually builds to a climax with time. It definitely is an art and requires extraordinary talent to do it correctly, whereas, commercial fiction, if not hyped constantly, will disappear from the shelves of a book store as quickly as a loaf of bread in a grocery store. Technical writing has a short life span before the obsolescence factor kicks in. After its subject matter is superceded by a better product, it becomes just so much waste paper. In my opinion, it is a list, not art. After all is said and done, do your job well and collect your dues when offered, but give the work to the world for immorality. It may not come back by way of fame and fortune immediately, but it will come back in the form of your contribution to a world of knowledge and pleasure. After you have delivered each project, go to the next with the enthusiasm of the first because you never know which will be the one that will catch the world’s fancy and put you on a pedestal. Production for a writer is different from that of a single purpose achiever, for our careers begin anew with the first sentence of each new story. The sun will continue to rise for eternities after you and I are gone, but well written prose never dies, but lives forever and continues to do its work. I offer as examples the works of Socrates and the Egyptians. Can you ask for more satisfaction than that? The day of the independent author could be coming to an end. As a former businessman, and understanding the complexities of the world of trade, the commercialization of the book business has necessarily drifted from the literary world to the world of commerce. The phrase "Publishing is a business" is being heard more and more in the field. There are just so many places to cut to keep stockholders happy, so the business will remain under the scrutiny of the methods engineers forever. Publishers have "conglomerated" themselves into a corner. Corporations will continue to exist as long as they make money. The very day that stops, they become candidates of either bankruptcy or merger. Most choose the latter. That means that the process of publishing has moved away from the artistic appreciation of a work to its potential to make a profit. The following is what I think will happen to the corporate future of publishing. I envision a day when publishers will register and own a block of male and female names to be used as "authors" for their future product. One of those names will appear on every book that they publish, as the author of the work in that genre. (Example: Betty Crocker® ) The real author will not sell his work in the conventional manner, but will literally sell it, including the copyright, to the publisher for a one-time fee and relinquish any claim to the work or the rights. The real author becomes a ghost writer. This is how it benefits the corporation. The publisher will pay a single payment to the writer with no royalties or residuals. The publisher will be in a much better position to negotiate a better price for the manuscript. The publisher can sell the rights as the sole owner of the property. By using their own company-owned author’s name, the corporation can take advantage of all prior publicity and build on it for the future. The corporate "author" never dies or becomes a party to a compromising situation for the tabloids or other embarrassing situations. Agents will operate as they do now, except they will only have one item to negotiate, the final sales price, and the corporate negotiator will be a purchasing department rather than an editor. Technology will soon be available to scan a manuscript and make sure it covers all of the requirements to make it sell. The software will match the written word to the mind-set of the average buyer. If it doesn’t match, the software will alert the corporation that changes need to be made in the plot and where those weaknesses are located. That will facilitate a huge savings in all editing functions. The mechanical book will fill of the requirements looked for now by a live editor. Much of the savings will go directly to the bottom line of the P & L statement. I don’t know that for a fact, but I can imagine that several computer models are already in the works to elaborate on the spell checks and Grammatik programs that "read" a manuscript, and the famous names of the future will be that of a ghost and carried on the books as a corporate asset. The freedom to write with no restraints is one reason why I like my personal situation. Having had my career in business first, I learned to live with all of the privileges that come with good fortune, the right clubs, right cars and homes, right friends and all the other perks. Many of my friends are deceased, and the funerals of others take up some of my time now, but I still find plenty of time to write. As a writer, let nothing anybody says deter you as you stumble along your way, and remember, there is an end to that beautiful rainbow of the mind, and many times, it does contain a pot of gold.
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By Jack W, Boone Now don’t get excited, Guys. Just remember. It’s all in fun. One reason attendance is declining in many major sports today, besides the exorbitant prices to see them in person, is because they are just plain boring. The owners need to change a few things. You see, they have complicated most sports so much that ordinary people can’t play or afford to see their teams play any more. That was caused by general managers being outsmarted by clever agents who foisted off huge fat people to play the games at even fatter salaries. That is especially true in football. That eliminates most people from the game, so, rather than become a player, you become a spectator. You can become a player if you have an edge. We had an employee one time who held the record for pass receptions for a local professional football team for several years. He was a fairly small guy as far as professional football players go, so the opponents’ defensive teams nearly killed him by dropping him on his head a lot. Our guy dipped snuff, and after he let fly some of that wet snuff in the face of those legalized murderers, they kept their distance and he caught a lot of passes. You see, it takes an edge, and he had one, albeit nasty, (some would say filthy) but it worked. Unfortunately for the craft, those same clever agents turned the tables on the owners by demanding a piece of the financial pie, causing the owners to raise seat prices to astronomical levels, thereby pricing the spectators out of the stadiums. The owners must be moneyed marshmallows. I have known a lot of very wealthy people in my time. Some were the type who would likely own a professional sports franchise. When a person buys a sports franchise, his (or her) aim is not to make money on the front end, but to increase the value of the franchise considerably, and pick up the change on the back end. These are generally people who have made a lot of money relatively fast, like striking oil, or being a part of a business that boomed beyond a shooting star. They are, generally, good, sound people who like to play with their money. Some I have known are rather shallow, especially those who inherited their wealth. The agents were one-up on them from the git-go, and have cleaned their collective plows, so to speak. The players are now very wealthy people, and with their new-found social status, they hate to admit that to play a child’s game is really demeaning. But, the players go through the motions and the money keeps coming. The most humiliating part is when some high-brow at the country club has the temerity to ask a player what he does for a living, and the player has to admit that he is a professional ball player. But—the game is still dull as mud. At the risk of being cheeky, I have a few suggestions to make the games more interesting and at the same time give the consumer a bigger bang for his buck. Baseball, for instance-- I think baseball should give serious consideration to changing the rules as follows: 1. Each player should be forced to learn all of the plays before being allowed to play the game. Not to know the plays would be grounds to penalize him five-thousand dollars per day until he passes a fourth-grade level test. That penalty should continue until all that remains of his enormous salary is an amount equal to the average plumber’s annual income. If he still has difficulty, send him back to his home country to finish elementary school. Now, I realize that many athletes are disadvantaged individuals from poor foreign countries, but they should be able to tell where they came from without looking at their passports. The first statement on their visa should be an oath not to call the umpire names in a foreign tongue like Spanish or Ugandan. An error should be worth an $8,000.00 penalty. A strikeout should be worth $10,000.00. 2. All players should be allowed to drink cocktails during the game. After all, we did take them away from their social life at the country club by making them play at night. They should be allowed to play patti-cake with groupies in a special lounge behind the dugout between innings. These mental giants need some rest and relaxation after a strenuous half-inning of serious concentration, looking up the skirts of some of the gals in the stands. While researching this piece, I asked a number of players how many outs in an inning. To a man they answered three. I didn’t tell them that the correct answer is actually six. Oh well. You get the point. 3. There should be no penalty for a player who taunts and shouts obscenities at the opposing team’s dugout in a foreign language. The opponents have the same right. It should be illegal to shoot guns or throw grenades in either dugout while it is occupied. 4. Serious consideration should be given to changing the name of the game to Bas-e-bol so that most of the players would be politically correct when they say it. 5. A batter ( batsman to you Brits) should stay at bat for ten pitches unless he hits it out of the park. If he hits a ball he didn’t like, he could disown it by shouting "DEAD BALL" (in Spanish or English) before the ball is caught or hits the ground. He could then proceed to use the rest of his allotted pitches. If he didn’t hit the ball after the ninth pitch, he would be required to stand in the batter’s box while the pitcher tries to hit him with the tenth pitch. He can dodge, but he can’t leave the box. Some of the best athletic moves I have ever witnessed in baseball were batters dodging pitched balls. If the batter survives the ordeal, he should be allowed to retire to the lounge for one inning. That will let more people play the game. A thin, ten foot long piano wire should be placed around the neck of each batter and attached to the knob of the bat. If the batter fails to do something as simple as hold on to the bat, (it becomes a dangerous weapon when flying into the stands,) the wire would snap a vertebra out of place in his neck. If anybody is going to be hurt by his stupid negligence, let it be him. 6. No player’s salary should be more than $500.00 per game instead of the $6,500.00 per minute they now earn. Their huge salary removed them from the working class and made them a part of the gentry. It is only natural to have a bad attitude toward the fans. (Also known as saps, surfs, peasants or mudda-f—kers to the players, depending on their frame of mind that day.) Another gage for salary could be to pay them the same salary they made in their last year in the minors for the first five years they play in the "Big Show." After all, getting there should be worth something. They should become eligible for a raise at the end of the five years. That would rid the game of the prima donnas and leave us with baseball players who really love the game. 7. Owners should be required to listen to the player’s press interviews before and after a game. Players seem to repeat the same mantra over and over in a dull monotone that makes them sound tired, or stupid, or both. I like the one oft repeated by the eight-foot-tall basketball players, "We gotta concentrate, man. We got to put it all together." I suggest that it become a requirement for all players and managers to take a course in public speaking-- or just speaking will help. 8. Umpires should be deputized and allowed to arrest any manager who talks loud and acts stupid or abusive. If a player spits on an umpire, he would be stoned by the home team fans for eight minutes after the game, using the game balls. Managers who kick dirt on an umpire should be forced to eat a handful of the same dirt with only a swallow of water as a chaser. 9. With each ticket purchased for cash, (sorry, no credit cards) a fan should receive one free beer and two free hotdogs (a wholesale value of about thirty-three cents and sold now for about $8.00 at the "we clip you" stand in the stadium. In the case of the Braves, peanuts would have to be purchased inside the walls of Turner’s Tacky Taco Stand and Baseball Emporium, also at a ridiculous price. 10. At the Braves games, any fan who couldn’t park within a mile of the stadium should be furnished limo service to the park by The team owners. After all, look at the money they have saved by not providing parking lots. Liberals should be hired to drive the limos. They need a job now that the Republicans have taken over the government. 11. Managers should be forbidden to eat nuts and spit the hulls on the floor of the dugout because it is just plain nasty and unsanitary. TV directors delight in locking a camera onto the face of a manager while he is eating. They leave it on closeup for several minutes at a time. It is like looking inside a garbage disposal to watch these guys eat and slobber all over themselves. It might help if they chewed with their mouths shut. Umpires could arrest a manager for spitting while on TV and take away his sunflower seeds for the rest of the game. 12. Players who spit in the dugout or within ten feet of any base would be fined $500.00 per spit and be forced to pick it up with a handful of dirt and put it in his pocket for the rest of the game. An additional penalty could be to force him to read one of my novels (if he can find one.) That ought to add insult to injury. 13. To give the fans their money’s worth, the game should continue until one team scores at least 10 runs. That team would be the winner. One part-time player should be assigned to give a back massage to any pitching coach who rocks back and forth like a robot-out-of-control in the dugout. It distracts from the strategy of the game. 14. Each fan should get a money-back guarantee with each ticket. If he didn’t like the game, he could apply for a refund before the end of the seventh inning and not have to pay for the beer and hotdogs. The refund policy would not pertain to peanuts because of the economic disaster it would have on the farmers around Plains, Georgia. 15. Announcers would be required to go back to school during off season and study the basic fundamentals of the English language. Here is an example of a present day announcer’s dialogue. "He hits the ball past Turkey Thomas, he gets two in." Or, "He throws one more ball he walks in a run." Or, "He catches that ball he gets the out." (Really?) They apparently studied in the Yogi Berra school of weird speech. Baseball announcers have many phrases just like those above and use them liberally. Only the announcers know the meaning of their literary gems because they learned the trade by listening to each other. Ex pitchers and catchers turned announcers spend an inordinate amount of time trying to convince the brain-dead fans that the pitcher on the mound really has the skills of a brain surgeon. ( The picture probably makes more money than a brain surgeon.) The difference is that a pitcher practices his profession by throwing a baseball sixty feet at nearly 100 MPH. Maybe these ex pitchers feel slighted because nobody said that about them when they were pitching. After all, coordinating all of those muscles and throwing that baseball that sixty feet requires at least seven years of baseball school and a residency in the minors — right? 16. To add a little spice, a picture of the wives and/or girl friends of the players sitting in the audience should be displayed in the corner of the TV screen at all times. They must be better looking than their tobacco-chewing, slobbering, spitting, testicle-grabbing, butt-slapping husbands who forgot to shave for two days before a game. With their money, seems like they could have a barber come to the dressing room before the game to handle such mundane tonsorial details. Has anybody mentioned that to the agents? So much for baseball. If that doesn’t bring the fans back, maybe the team will have to go on pay-per-view to survive. A half-ticket price might work. I’m sure that treating the fans with some respect would help also.
Now --- now--- it's all in fun, so don't get upset. Basketball Just so basketball doesn’t feel slighted, I would suggest a few changes for that game also. 1. Move the hoop up to fifteen feet above the floor and you will have seen your last slam-dunk. Nor will you see some freak trying to destroy the building by hanging on the hoop and swinging like a baboon on a tree limb. Any player who manages to get high enough to hang on the hoop will probably break a leg falling back to the floor. That would give more players a chance to play. For that reason, this rule change should not be made until next year. Our home team needs all the help it can get. That will also give the general managers a chance to modify contracts to add a "no play–no pay"clause for players with broken legs. 2. Put the three point line and the free throw line in a three-foot circle at center court. Then we wouldn’t have to put up with all of those triple digit scores. (Bulls 23– Hawks 21. They still lose) 3. Build a 12-foot electric fence around the court to keep the spectators out of the zoo. Force any fan who paints his body in strange colors and removes most of his clothes to wear the makeup for a week. That is to show his fellow workers what an idiot they are working with. These guys have loose screws. They are dangerous. 4. Allow commercial endorsements only on nine-foot-tall players. The freak would be allowed to wear his endorsement patches on his uniform like those walking-billboard race car drivers and only nine foot players would have that much room on their jerseys. 5. Any player who has more than 25 percent of their body tattooed should be sent to the Italian league where they can act like thugs and attract an audience accordingly. The Cosa Nostra has a way to deal with these problems. They think tattooed skins make good lamp shades. 6. Prohibit any fan from going to see the games without a doctor’s certificate certifying them to be at least 50 percent sane and capable of changing his or her own diapers. Guns, bottles and assorted missiles should be confiscated at the door. 7. Shorten the playoffs to not more than 100 games with no time outs allowed in the last ten minutes of play. 9. All gambling money won by basketball players on golf and other games of chance should be put into a trust fund to help addicted basketball fans through that awkward withdrawal period during the fifteen-days between seasons. 10. Punish any fan who talks to the media about a game the following day by taking away his tickets for one game and giving them to needy old writers whose books are not selling that well anyway. 11. Each player would have lead weights tied to his/her shorts to make them weigh the same as the heaviest player in a game, like jockeys and racing greyhounds. 12. Players who speak only Caribbean or Outer Mongolian would be given free English lessons by the team, and must pass a test showing that he has mastered more than 10 words, before being allowed to speak on television or radio. (Ice) Hockey Now that we have made basketball more interesting, let’s talk about hockey. I understand that most of the players were born and raised within a half-mile of the North pole. 1. Hockey players should not be allowed to smile unless they hold a glove in front of their face, or have their false teeth in their mouths. Wearing a veil would help. Those vacant spaces in their teeth makes the customers uneasy, and is not good advertising for the dental profession either. 2. Hockey announcers should be required to show up at the stadium at least one hour before a game to give fans (guests) like me and other dummies a lesson on the rules of the game. After twenty years, I still don’t know what icing means. They also need time to practice their scream, scorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre. 3. Fights should be controlled by giving each player a stick with no hook and confine them to a ten-foot circle frozen in the ice. The first one to knock the other out of the circle or cold-cocks him with the hockey stick, wins. Sort of like Sumo wrestling with some refinements. 4. A player in the penalty box should be allowed to throw articles of clothing, equipment, his hockey stick, or anything else he can find, at the opposing player who caused him to be unfairly penalized in the first place. Chairs should be disallowed. That will help dissipate frustration and anger. But, he must play without the clothing and equipment for the rest of the game and would have to use his skates as a stick. 5. If the play evolves into a general brawl by both teams, the referees should have the option of turning on the heaters under the ice rink and reduce it to a swimming pool. Swimming lessons should be mandatory in the Hockey minor leagues to avoid lawsuits by the relatives of players who couldn’t get their uniforms off in time to survive. Football Now that we have solved all of the woes of hockey, I have a slant on football also. I formally played that game for little more pay than food and modest shelter. There just isn’t much tactical improvement that can be done there. But, just to be unbiased, here are a couple of changes that probably would make the game better. (Or worse.) 1. The quarterback should be untouchable while he holds the ball. After he throws it, he is fair game as long as he is on the playing surface. To preserve his life and limbs, he should be allowed to run like hell for the sidelines and jump into the cheap seats between plays. It would be a rule violation for a line backer to follow past the first row of seats. 2. The quarterback should have three minutes to throw the ball after the snap, leaving his receivers free to run around down field jumping like gazelles or ballet dancers, waving and yelling while trying to get open without being clobbered. Any linebacker should be allowed to chase wide receivers, even off the field. If they catch one, they can throw him into the cheap seats with the quarterback. 3. No single lineman should be allowed to weigh more than a quarter of a metric ton. 4. A center should be allowed to use a can of pepper spray to protect himself after snapping the ball. Presently, centers become uninsurable after two professional games. A center is defenseless while he has one hand in his own crotch unless he has pepper spray in the other hand. We must save these creatures from extinction. Centers are getting hard to come by. 5. Running backs don’t need help. They’re crazy anyway. Anybody who would run full tilt into a wall of human flesh made from pizza-bricks needs lots of understanding and compassion. Most running backs are on probation for slamming their wives against the kitchen wall after a game. Massive doses of aspirin helps. (Occasionally) 6. Coaches and assistant coaches should be penalized thirty yards for calling the referees a dumb, stupid SOB with the brain of a pigmy. Any other name they call them is okay. Golf I purposely left out Golf. I tell my wife it is like watching an ant farm at work. It is extraordinarily slow and tedious, and repetitive. I can’t talk about it without getting emotional and upsetting my ulcer. I hate that stupid game. After playing about fifty times a year for sixty-five years, I have yet to break 90. I really hate chasing that stupid little white ball. Getting colored balls didn’t help. I mean -- I really do hate it. I hope I never see another golf club as long as I live,—except for mine --- after we fish them out of the lake. So much for that --- Oh --- I nearly forgot. I have a tee time in an hour, so I had better go. That’s about all I can think of for these four sports. I suggest we take a vote.
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